"When you enter your front door, does an annoying 'house' odor smack you dead in the face?"
"Is it from cooking... pets... the stinky neighbors next door... or do you just have that persistent - seemingly resistent - old house smell?"
"Drives you absolutly CRAZY doesn't it?"
(Keep reading to discover how to get rid of annoying house odor's no matter where they come from. )
If you've landed on this web site it's because we share a common trait.
Neither of us wants to be in a smelly house.
Being a long-time apartment dweller myself, I've never moved into a new place where there's no previous smell left by the old owner. That makes me batty.
I hate frying sausage for breakfast, and smelling it in the air days after. Or if my sister brings her dog over, and he leaves that stinky dog smell. Or heaven forbid if my neighbors next door are feeling in a curry-ish mood, and the smell seeps in to my place through the vents.
One time my neighbors stove was broken, and while she was waiting for the maintenance man to come, she asked if she could start cooking for a big family party they had pre-planned for that evening. I cheerfully obliged.
Terribly enough, I ended up with a fish smell that permeated the ENTIRE apartment.
From front to back, corner to corner, there was no place to hide.
And it wasn't just any fish smell. No, no, no... a regular fried fish smell would have been bad, but tolerable.
This was the WORST fish smell I'd ever experienced in my life.
You ever walk past an alley behind a restaurant on a super hot Monday, after they've had a busy weekend? The smell is hauntingly disgusting, and all you can do is run past the alley to get away from it.
Now imagine that intensity in a fish smell. Buried within your four walls.
Whatever unusual seasonings she had used, co-mingled with the fish, and the combination was nauseating and putrid - multiplied times 100.
I stayed up that night until 3am burning no less than 25 sticks of incense. I Febreezed the carpet, the furniture, THE WALLS even. I strategically placed scented candles.
My friend Taylor suggested I liberally sprinkle baking soda on the entire carpet, allowing it to sit for several hours before vacuuming it - which I did. Meanwhile my Ionic Breeze air purifier was also humming around the clock.
(Yes... that same Ionic Breeze that was hawked on late night infomercials as a miracle cure for clean, fresh air.)
I kept all 12 windows in the house open all day and night. Me and my girls walked around with sweaters and hats on.
And in the end, nothing worked. Not even a little bit.
Now here's the icing on the cake...
Several days after the cooking incident - with the smell still lingering pretty strong - my sister came over with DeeO-Gee (her golden retriever).
In one of his excited frenzies, he peed on my bedroom floor. (An entirely carpeted floor, mind you.) But neither of us realized it, until I discovered the smelly deed later that evening.
So now the house reeked of funky fried fish AND dog urine.
The straw that broke the camels back was when I visited my mom, and she asked why I smelled like old fried chicken.
That smell had permeated my clothes. I was walking around smiling, thinking how cute I was looking, and all along I reeked of an old fryer vat mixed with $100 perfume.
How foxy is that?
I could no longer "bear with it" as my friends had suggested. (Surely they were laughing inside as they said this!)
The smells weren't going away.
They were in my house - and now in my clothes too.
And I was piping mad.
Bad house odor had become a house guest who didn't know when to leave. Like an ultra clingy boyfriend who suddenly developed super poo-poo breath.
After that enlightening visit with mom I got on the Internet and started searching for smelly house solutions.
Obviously the old stand-by solutions - (incense, Febreeze, baking soda, air purifier, fresh air) - weren't getting the job done.
Now here's where it got interesting.
Have you ever searched for do-it-yourself solutions for house odors? Probably not.
Let me clue you in to the experience...
It's a freakin' jungle out there!
There are literally dozens of different cleaners and potions that supposedly get rid of bothersome house smells.
You've got cleaners for cat and dog urine, feces, smoke, blood, dead bodies (eeewwww!), and the list goes on. They range from $10-$50 a bottle, plus shipping of course.
With prices like that, I didn't want to fiddle around with the basic consumer stuff. No, no, no! I chose an industrial cleaner that was purported to be a good all purpose solution.
When it arrived, I tore open the box and I excitedly sprayed it around half of the livingroom. The end result?
I got rid of some of the fish smell... and added a clean public restroom smell. Clean public restroom smells are good for public restrooms - NOT for your living quarters.
So there went $25.
The next day I went to the pet store and bought an enzyme cleaner that was supposed to alleviate the dog urine smell. It seemed like it worked the first 2-3 days.
Then one night I took a hot, hot shower and the steam from the bathroom made my bedroom a rather humid. And like magic - the dog pee smell returned all over again. Poof, there went another $20.
Okay so I was down $45 - (actually more since I'd spent money on incense, candles and Febreeze) - and I was still wallowing nose deep in the most repulsive smell you could imagine.
And as icing on the cake, my 16 year old daughter was having a sleepover in a few days. So she put the hard core press on me to get rid of all these overwhelming house odors.
Instead of testing another 10 formulas, I decided it was time to use some of my own elbow grease.
So what did I do?
A lot. So much that I got
I went to the biggest library in the city and began doing some serious research. I got online and searched as I'd never searched before. And then I hit the motherload.
My Grandma was a housekeeper her entire life. And she didn't just do it as job, it was a way of life.
If you look up "clean machine" in dictionary, you'd see a picture of my Grandma. With a scrub brush, of course.
At Christmas she wouldn't let a piece of wrapping paper hit the floor before she was hauling out the vacuum cleaner.
I knew if anyone would know about getting rid of smells, she would.
Well as the old saying goes, "Ask and ye shall find." And find I did.
After doing all that research, quizzing my firecracker Grandma, and putting my findings to work, I got rid of that horrific house odor within 48 hours. In fact, my place was fresher that day than it was when I initially moved in.
The secret to my sweet smelling success?
I've outlined it all in my special report No More Smelly House:
Now before you get the wrong idea, let me clarify something. This isn't some report on how to make decorative potpourri. If you want that, look for a crafting web site.
This step-by-step guide takes a no-nonsense approach to winning the battle against house odors.
Don't expect any "Spray some Febreeze" type of advice. The solutions are very real. But they do require that you put in some work to make them work.
Here's what you'll find inside:
* The top 20 causes of smelly houses. If you don't know where bad smells come from, you cannot win the war against it.
* The most frequent place where odors hide, and my personal recipe to 'clear the air.'
* 12 Preventive measure you can take to make sure you don't invite back lingering house odors again.
* What happens if you can't get rid of a smell? Perhaps Fido has a permanent doggy smell. Or you live in an apartment, and you need a temporary solution. I'll show you how to build an Odor Magnet that'll literally suck the bad smell out of the air.
* What you must start doing today to maintain a fresh, clean smell in your home.
* The one air eliminator that you should AVOID like the plague. (ozone generator)
I've dutifully put these ideas to work in my funky fish smell ridden apartment. I have friends with pets who swear by my suggested methods. As I've said before, you must be prepared to work the plan.
But do these tactics work for 100% of my buyers?
No - but for a very good reason...
Unfortunately there are situations that require more extensive work than the solutions I provide.
For example, you may have mold growing in the walls, and this is what's causing a bad smell. In this case, a mold removal team should be called in to rectify the problem. You can't just mask mold with some bleach. Well actually you can, but it's not a wise decision.
So clearly not every bad smell situation can be fixed on the fly. That's why I offer my buyers a 100% money back guarantee.
Try my techniques. Really put them to the test. If your nose hasn't gotten up in the middle of the night and written you a thank you note, simply e-mail me and request a refund.
My goal is to make your home as fresh as a field of daisies. If I can't do that, then by all means you deserve your money back.
Most Frequently Asked Questions regarding No More Smelly House
What kinds of smells will I be able to get rid of?
Cooking smells, dog and cat smells in general, old musty smells, moth ball smells, skunk smells, smoke smells.
Will I be required to buy anything to get rid of my odor problem?
Nothing else from me personally. But I do offer several suggestions, and you may be required to purchase the ingredients or tools. Clearing odors isn't expensive, but it does require some financial outlay. The odor magnet is probably the most expensive suggestion, costing $30 (more or less, depending on where you live.)
Will your report teach me how to get rid of odors, or cover them up?
Both. By learning where odors hide, you'll discover how to get rid of them. But sometimes it's not possible to get to the source. Like if you have a neighbor who cooks stinky food. So I also teach you how to effectively mask the smells so they're far less offensive.
Are your suggestions safe to use around children and pets?
I'm a tree hugger by nature, so I always try to take the most natural route when it's available. Sometimes an all natural route isn't available. Sometimes Mother Nature can deliver some deadly blows on her own.
Why are you selling this information? Why not just give it away?
#1 - Because I'm a writer by trade. Not a 'starving artist.' It took a nice chunk of time and work to locate these techniques, and implement them to make sure they do indeed work.
#2 - I promised my clean machine Grandma that she'd get a free trip to Vegas for sharing her knowledge with my readers.
Emergency Tactics to Rid Your House of Almost Any Smelly Odor costs just
An inexpensive cost when you consider that you'd have to spend over 48 hours just to locate, test and verify all the details I've included. (Provided you knew exactly where to look, what to ask, and how to put it all together.)
You may use Visa, MasterCard, Discover, and American Express to order via PayPal.
For your safety I am a PayPal Verified Seller. I have conducted 1,000+ sales through PayPal - (which can easily be verified through PayPal once you click on the order link). I will NOT have access to any of your credit card information. I will only receive notice that you've made payment.
You will be given immediate access to the report once your payment is received. (After your order is complete you'll be taken to a receipt page. When you reach that receipt page simply click on the "Click Here To Continue" button on the lower right hand side of the screen. This will take you to the download page.)
I look forward to quickly helping you get rid of the awful smells haunting your home.
The Funky House Hater - and - Author of No More Smelly House